The Disappointment of: Goro

“The Disappointment of…” is a blog post series dedicated to underwhelming characters and/or plot elements that were hyped within a movie or TV show, by the characters or story world, itself, that spectacularly failed to live up to that hype.  *This is not to be confused with things that were generally disappointing.  These are things that characters both revere and fear.  They could be other characters, places, or anything that characters, within a story world, regard as bad ass…and ultimately wasn’t.

Today’s installment:  Goro

Mortal Kombat, 1995 – A lot of the target audience for this movie already had experience with Goro from the first Mortal Kombat video game when this four-armed behemoth pummeled them into feeding more quarters into the game to continue and get pummeled again.

We had expectations for the game’s sub-boss on-screen.

The quirky animatronic character costume aside, it looked as though our expectations might be met.  At the banquet, Shang-Tsung announces to the combatants that they will have the chance to face the reigning champion, Goro,  and advises them to treasure these moments, implying that they could be their last.

He’s already messing with their heads.  Planting that seed of trepidation about the tournament, and Goro, ahead of them.  It was pee-pee in your pants time for someone in that crowd.

Later we finally see Goro, for the first time.  He huge!  All four arms are jacked and ready to pop heads like pimples (again, silly practical effects costume, aside).  In an expositional conversation with Kano, we learn he’s a general of the Outworld army and Prince of the subterranean realm of Shokon.  Even Kano, who isn’t supposed scared of too very much, quakes in Goro’s presence.  Oh, man, by this time, we can’t wait to see what he can do!

When Shang-Tsung lets Goro loose into the tournament after deciding, “We’ve let these humans win enough”, we get a montage of Goro plowing through nineteen combatants, presumably killing them all.  Impressive!  We begin fear for our heroes when they finally get to face him.  Yet, we still haven’t actually seen what he can do.

After the montage, Goro’s next opponent is Art Lean.  A competent fighter that Johnny Cage knows, some how.  Honestly, I don’t remember what their relationship is.  I don’t think I’ve seen that movie in over twenty years.  But that’s not the point!   We’re waiting to see Goro in action!

And did we ever!  Art gets a beat down like hadn’t seen yet.  Nothing fancy, just a brute force trauma and the (four) hands of the Prince of Shokom.  In the end, poor Mr. Lean’s near lifeless body his held up by two of Goro’s hands, when the monster looks to his master and we are treated to the two most famous words from the Mortal Kombat franchise:  FINISH HIM!  After one more devastating whack across the head, art Lean falls to the ground.  Dead.  No magic.  No special attacks needed.  If a trauma ward was paid by the number of injuries treated, I would expect they’d be sitting on large pile of cash if they were able to fix ol’ Art.

How can our heroes expect to overcome such a threat and save Earth?  They’re only human, after all!

Inspite of what he just saw, Johnny Cage makes a deal with Shang-Tsung to challenge Goro.  GASP!  Johnny doesn’t stand a chance, right?  He shows up in his movie persona, completed with jeans, sunglasses, and attitude.  Didn’t he learn anything from watching his friend get pummeled to death right in front of him?  Goro shows some swagger of his own by snatching Johnny’s glasses out of his hand and crushing them to pieces and stomping on them.

Goro didn’t blink at Johnny’s machismo.  Johnny is out matched in every way.  He’s a dead man!

Shang-Tsung orders Goro to finish him quickly and, by all measures, it should be over in a snap of Johnny’s spine.  But then Johnny drops into his trademark splits and takes a shot at Goro’s Shokom family jewels and while Goro is writhing in agony, he runs off!.  Well, Goro, the biggest badass in the tournament, can’t let a little pain in the junk get him down.  He pursues Johnny, and a leisurely walking pace.  What’s the hurry, right?  He finds johnny.  He’s going to squash him like the bug he is.  Johnny kicks him a couple of times and…

…Goro falls off the cliff and into the abyss.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!!!  That’s it!  A punch to the nads, a little walk out on to a cliff, and johnny kicks him a couple of times and its over.  What a fricken rip off!!!  Goro has got to be one of THE most disappointing adversaries that everyone was afraid of…EVER.  They would have done better to have him beat Johnny without killing him and have them fight again later.  Then MAYBE, Goro doesn’t disappoint…as much.

So what do you think?  Agree? Disagree?  Let me know in a comment below.

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Till Next time…

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