I had so much fun with previous post about the Azkaban prison not living up to the hype it was given by the Harry Potter universe, I’ve decided to make a separate category for the subject. I mean, let’s face it, there are SO MANY characters and plot pieces that have let us down over the years, they almost beg for their own post category. So today, I bring you another one from fairly recent memory. People went nuts when they heard it was going to happen. When it finally did, it didn’t fail to disappoint:
YODA’S LIGHTSABER SKILLS
After the tragedy that was The Phantom Menace, Star Wars fans clung to the hopes that the follow up would set things right. I mean, it gave us Darth Maul who was NOT a disappointment. He was as badass as was expected. Instead, he was a wasted cool character. To make up for it, Episode II was going to have to give us something we’ve always wanted, but never seen. We knew Yoda was a Jedi Master. Episode I showed us he was the leader of the Jedi council. But we’d never seen him fight…until now.
Yoda is a beloved character and in the original trilogy, his power is implied. Obi-Wan Kenobi sends Luke to him because he was the jedi master that instructed him. A bending of the truth (not the first exaggeration Kenobi and Yodi will tell Luke, but that’s for a different post), but if Yoda was a teacher that would suggest he is more powerful and possibly better in every way over Obi-wan. But in that trilogy, we only got to see him in his little mud hut in a swamp and spout off carefully crafted bursts of contradictory jibber-jabber…and tell more lies to Luke. But that’s not what I’m talking about today.
Then Lucasfilm announced Yoda would be wielding a Lightsaber in AOTC. Dumping that godawful puppet and going with a CGI character would make it possible. Oh happy day!.
The media buzz about seeing Yoda wield a lightsaber in Attack of the clones caused a lot of excitement. By default, Yoda should be that badass, right? In the movie, Obi-Wan hinted at Yoda’s badassery, by telling Anakin that if he practiced saber technique as much as he did being a smartass, he’d rival Master Yoda as a swordsman. Anakin, of course, thought he already did to which, Obi-Wan replies, “Only in your very young mind…” Wow even Obi-Wan Kenobi, who we already know to be bad ass with a lightsaber, is in awe of Yoda’s skillz. Then we get to see him in action.
I quote Austin Powers, here: “Whoop-dee-do, Basil.”
He’s fast and hell, jumps and flips, attacks from different directions. Screams like a fricken banshee! Except…he’s lost every lightsaber duel we’ve seen him in. Yes, even in AOTC. Count Dooku got away, therefore he lost.
His fight with Palpatine in Episode III was better, but he never really had the upper hand. And when it was over, he scurried off into some air vent, like a little green rat. Upon getting picked up by Bail Organa, he was so dejected by the lost he declared that he had to go into exile. Exile! Instead of trying to regroup and taking another run at Palpatine before he can get fully entrenched in his new Empire, he’s just took a ‘whoa is me’ approach, and gave up.
From our perspective, Yoda’s fight record: 0-2. That is not badass.
Yoda, you have disappointed us, Sir.
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